blue moon

i am convinced that if you keep your eyes open long enough, life will show you something. i am also convinced that if you open your mind enough, the things life shows you will teach you something.
today's a great example of that.
with two exams tomorrow, i needed to really get down and study hard core. i was being drawn off campus, so i headed down to gaslight village and made myself a study spot in starbucks. i actually ended up staying there for four hours. i know--intense. after i had enough studying, i walked down to the lake. i sat down on a bench and, well, i just sat there. funny how life can be very literary... cause i quickly realized that i had walked myself into a full-circle ending (an impressive touch in books, but very difficult to pull off). so what was my sitting at reeds lake after studying in starbucks a reference to? let me take you back to july 3, 2007... a little over 10 months ago... and this is a direct quote without edits, mind you:

afterward, i went to gaslight village, got some starbucks and a treat and then walked down to reeds lake and just sat there. you know what, i liked what i saw... and you know what i saw? a lot of people go there and just sit there... even alone. i loved the fact that i didn't feel akward at all just sitting there, watching the sailboats on reeds lake, and relaxing in the beautiful weather. i think i have found my new favorite spot.

what was july 3rd? that was my first day on my own in michigan. it honestly didn't click until i found myself sitting in the very same bench. so once i realized the coincidence, i let my mind do its thing and run off on some pensive and profound journey towards a conclusion that wasn't reached until i saw a little girl twirl--and then throw up.
yes, gross. let me explain, and then i'll come back to the conclusion.
there is this ice cream place called jersey junction... great ice cream, lots of fun choices. there is this one ice cream called "blue moon," and it's, well, very blue... like almost neon blue. as i was sitting on the bench, i saw this little girl with blue all over her mouth twirling very quickly. a few steps away were her parents each holding an ice cream cone. it was this little fact that led me to consider that this girl had just had herself a nice scoop of blue moon ice cream. however, it wasn't until i saw the girl suddenly stop twirling, put her hands on her stomach, and proceed to throw up blue moon that i was positive she had eaten a scoop of blue moon. gross? very much so. but don't worry... she seemed to be okay... after realizing what happened, the girl walked a couple of paces away from her mess and proceeded to twirl more. she barely got two full revolutions in, though, before her parents scooped her up.
before this blue fiasco took place, i had been sitting in the bench looking out at reeds lake. it was a bit windy, and the lake was super choppy. i began to compare the two times i found myself there. being the end of the year, and mere days away from leaving, i found it not only appropriate but necessary to take a moment to sum up and process what has just happened--i've completed a year of college (well, almost... two more exams tomorrow, and then that's it).
here's how i sorted things out. in july, i was sitting on that bench without a clue as to what the heck i was doing. as i sat there and took in this new place, i had no clue what was in store for me. i sat on that bench without any ties to michigan... no memories, no longings, no friends, no family... although i didn't admit it back then, i was scared out of my mind. so much so that thoughts of going back to california crossed my mind. i sat there, and i felt so young and not so sure of who i was... i was confused, and my mind was racing a mile a minute. as i sat there, i was a self contained person... i was just kind of there, but still existing very much as my own person that hadn't mixed at all with the surroundings... it was just me in this new place.
today, i sat on that bench, wearing a calvin college t-shirt, and i had my backpack next to me. the sight of reeds lake was not a new sight but a familiar comforting sight. although i sat on the bench alone, i felt far from it. i sat there knowing that i'd go back to campus and see and hang out with my friends... some of which feel like my family out here. i sat there, looked behind me to a spot where a bunch of us had come one night to lay out and look at the stars. i could sit there and think of tons of memories from this past year. no longer was the line between me and my surroundings (michigan, grand rap, calvin) a harsh and distinct one... in fact, i'm so assimilated to this place that i don't think there is a line any more. to use an analogy, i'd say that in july, i was a drop of oil in a glass of water... no mixing whatsoever. now, feel more like a scoop of kool-aid stirred in to a glass of water... you try sorting the kool-aid from water after mixing it... let me know how that goes. so, i sat there, and i realized, my heart is here. looking around, i thought, this is where i want to be--it all feels so right.
that's when the blue-mouthed twirling girl caught my eye, and that's when it clicked--never eat blue moon ice cream and then twirl. well, what else did you think i was going to come up with? i'm sorry, did you expect some great connection? did i build it up too much? i'm sorry.
no, but when i realized that i was excited to go back to calvin and tell my friends the story, it was clear that had i seen this event on july 3rd, i wouldn't have known what to do with it.
then i got in the car, and no joke, the mamas and the papas came on singing, "for every season, turn, turn, turn." ironic because of the "turning" in reference to the twirling, but also because the summer season is coming up, and i'm gonna be doing a bit of turning myself. again, you pay attention enough, and life will teach you something. i listened to the song intently, almost taking it as advice, telling myself i am going to have to realize the changing and learn to go with it.
but then again, if i took everything that happened as a sign or as a way of life telling me to do something, i would have had to make some very major lifestyle changes after the mamas and the papas got done turning, because "get down tonight" was the song that followed. i don't plan on doing little dances and etc anytime soon.

ok, that was long, but there ya go. that's it in a nutshell. hope this wasn't too long, but it's gonna have to last you until thursday night, because the next two days are going to be quite busy.

'tis all from michigan...

for now, of course.