pink

there comes a time in life where morals are challenged. actually, i am pretty sure there are many times where morals are challenged.
now, i've debated about whether or not I should share this story so publicly. In fact, at one point i was sure that i wouldn't post it on the blog. but last weekend introduced a new dynamic and a happy ending to this life lesson, so ive decided that i'd like to share it.
what i ask for in return for my honesty is that you will read it all the way through. deal? k, good... lets continue.
there is a part of SMR (snow mountain ranch) that has remained hidden to most and left out of my posts this summer. you kind of have to be staff here... staff that live in the bays... in order to know that drinking is a huge part of "the bays culture." until this summer, i've never really been in proximity of people drinking... never went to those cliche parties with red cups... never had friends that got mixed up in that whole deal... never even saw it. after arriving at SMR and gaining a couple of friends, i've found myself submerged into the world of designated driving and hair holding.
yes, i've been offered a drink many times. yes, i've said "no" everytime, and no, they haven't given me a hard time or pressured me. it's nice to know they respect my choice.
but just because the peer pressure is absent doesn't mean that the temptation and opportunities are absent as well. i'm not saying that i've wanted to drink, i'm just saying that saying "no" is a lot harder than i thought it would be... especially when no one is even asking the question. the drinks are just there--it's not a matter of me just saying "yes" or "no." it's a matter of me deciding in my head exactly what i am or am not going to do. this whole thing hit me hardest about two weeks ago.
5 of us girls who live in the bays got together for a "girl's night" in order to say good-bye to the two of them who were leaving. it was good fun--ice cream, chocolate, stories... and then came happy hour.
out came the bottle of razz bacardi and the two litre bottle of lemonade. the question was asked of me once, and only once, and of course, i politely declined. once it was established who was drinking (them) and who wasn't (me), they pulled out the pink nalgene bottle--the goblet of choice for holding the one part razz bacardi and four parts lemonade cocktail (for the first round, at least).
once mixed, the conversation continued and the pink nalgene began to be passed around the circle of five... take a sip, pass it on... take a sip, pass it on... and then me... pass it on. i tried to play that pass off as if that nalgene didn't tempt me any more than a glass of V8 would. the pink nalgene then continued it's familiar course through the next four girls until it would get to me again. pass it on. another circuit, and it was to me again. funny how although the level of the cloudy mixture got lower with every round, but the level of temptation didn't. what was so tempting? here are the thoughts i found myself facing... in reality, a single sip would do absolutely nothing... in reality, no one but the four would know... in reality, nothing would change. and you know what? i stand by that. a single sip would do nothing... but who's to say that it stops at a sip?
anyhow, i left the room that night mentally exhausted... i wasn't sure how i had made it out without having a drink... i was almost positive that my first drink was coming out of that pink nalgene. what kept me from giving in? at one point in the night, i took a step back to look at the story i was finding myself in the middle of. if i drank, the story would be awful... the timing would be wrong, i'd be with all the wrong people, and the story would be filled with guilt and regret. when and if i do drink, i want it to be at the right time (21) and in the right place (with my closest friends... those i'd want to share the memory with). i walked away that night having learned a ton and lost nothing.
but the story doesn't end there. it wasn't until i was in michigan that this whole waiting for the "right time, right place" idea became a solid choice of mine.
michigan's adventure... as i've already said, it was a good time. it was really good, though, because i had a moment where i realized everything was going to work out just fine.
a group of us were sitting outside of shivering timbers waiting for the rest of the group who had gone on another random ride. we were all just sitting/standing around, and my roommate asked if i wanted to split a drink from the vending machine. being thirsty, i agreed. after going through the ordeal of getting the exact change for the machine, my roommate pressed the button for the pink lemonade.
do you see where this is going? well, if you don't, it's okay... you'll see how long it took me.
so we walked back to the group and opened up the bottle of pink lemonade. she took a sip, passed it to me. i took a sip, and as i did, others had asked for a sip as well. so the bottle of pink lemonade made it's way around our little group. just as the bottle was about to come back to me, it hit me. first, that God is hilarious and is the greatest story maker of all. second, that this is how it was supposed to be. i was with all my friends, having a good time. i watched the pink bottle go around, looked at all my friends having a good time, took note of how stress-free i was, and realized how at home i was. the words "this is how it's supposed to be" just kept ringing through my head. when i looked at the pink bottle of pink lemonade, the choice became so easy for me. that moment was exactly what i needed... and i still laugh that it was pink lemonade... i think God knew that i'd get excited about a connection/symbol like that.
anyhow, so since i've been back, the choice has been easier. i just think back to that bottle of pink lemonade and remember what i realized at that moment. it really is huge for me... and it makes me super happy that i've been able to discover for myself the challenge of sticking to my morals and the reward for knowing exactly where i stand and why through a learning experience.

i guess as i grow up, the content on my blog does too.
realize that it wasn't an easy choice to put this on here (especially since it is pretty much straight from my journal), but god made it so story-esque that i knew it had to be shared.
well, tootles for now.