lacking

sorry for the lack of posting lately... by no means is it a sign of a lack of events (for since my last post i have gone to sea world with my amiga, and we both got to touch a dolphin, which turned right around and splashed us... it was amazing), and by no means is it a sign of a lacking of thoughts and new feelings (because trust me... i'm experiencing a whole new array of them!). however, it does seem to be a sign of something... something i can't quite place my finger on. something in the air smells of "lacking." my mind has been running, trying to figure it out, put words to it, define it, grasp it... but all without any progress.
do you ever get that... don't you hate when you just can't figure something out?
you see, i am the type of person where if you give me a riddle to solve, my mind will not stop thinking until it figures it out. and don't you dare try to give me the answer... because i want to try and solve it. basically, anytime there is an unknown, i want to figure it out... and my mind won't do anything else til it's solved.
can you see where this becomes problematic, when questions arise as far as "where i am, who i am, why i am" are concerned... these questions are no easy feat when it comes to finding an answer.
so where is all this leading?
i have absolutely no idea.
but i can assure you, i am trying to work it out in my head even as i type this.
so lets move on.

i've got wonderful news.
a huge misunderstanding was finally made clear. and when i say huge, i mean HUGE as far as my hopes go.
i found this summer job through calvin where i would be able to work at this camp in the rockies of colorado as an outdoor educator/adventure instructer while attending a class one night a week and get my CCE credit (cross cultural engagement) which is a requirement at calvin. so naturally, i applied right away. i have a friend who had actually worked that same position last summer and told me everything about it and assured me i'd have no problem getting the job.
so at that point i started to count my chickens.
a couple weeks later, it turned out that i counted my chicks a bit too early and those eggs would never hatch... in fact, the eggs were smashed... as was my excitement...
i got an email from the employers at snow mountain ranch (that's the name of the place... it's owned by YMCA) saying that they appreciated my interest but had recently filled the position for which i applied.
i was angry... actually, that would be an underestimate. i swore that no descendent or relative of me would ever step foot in a YMCA as long as i lived. did i over-react? eh, maybe. i was a bit hurt as well... i mean, i didn't even make it to the interview stage and i was already turned down... and i even had Chick-fil-a as a reference... come on, how do you not hire someone who has experience working in a cow suit???
anyway, that's beside the point. as angry as i was, i let it go... sort of. i emailed this guy who works at snow mountain but is the contact between the ranch and calvin... the guy who does the hiring from calvin. i asked him what was up with this email, and if this was true.
naturally, i didn't hear back from him. so then i let it go.
until saturday night. i checked my email, and there it was, the email that would prove this all to be one great big misunderstanding. turns out they thought i was applying for a current position, not a summer position. with that, this guy asked to schedule an interview with me in january after christmas break.
exciting?
i think so.

i am tired...
indeed.

good night